


Aftermath

by Ralemalt



Series: FiKi Week 2017 [3]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Fix-it fic, M/M, Permanent Injuries, Post BOFTA, mentions violence from battle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-28
Packaged: 2018-11-30 13:22:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11464452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ralemalt/pseuds/Ralemalt
Summary: They survived the battle, but healing isn’t so simple.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: inspired by canon
> 
> Because I totally remember them living happily ever after and being not dead in the movies?

Fili tries to suppress a wince that's caused by a pull along his healing side. He knows it's a futile attempt when Kili is suddenly in front of him instead of beside. His brother's face is set in a deep scowl that has been a constant presence for weeks. The shadows that have been lurking within his remaining eye have started bleeding out to form a dark circle beneath it. Those shadows shift in the dancing light of Fili's torch.

Despite that scowl, he looks haunted and faded. Fili has not pressed, but Kili has refused to share his burden and has kept his ghosts to himself.

Fili misses the grin that rivaled the sun in both radiance and warmth and the contagious laugh that had never failed to brighten Fili's day. He's beginning to forget the sight and sound; he's afraid he's losing his brother even though Kili still breathes.

"You insisted on pulling me from my death bed to traipse all over Erebor when you're barely fit to stand as it is!" Kili mutters almost to himself as trembling and almost frantic hands begin to untie Fili’s tunic until they can reach the bandages that lay underneath. The bandages are still white with no trace of blood on them, but still Kili doesn't seem relieved. Between clenched teeth Fili hears, "Such a stupid and reckless dwarf, I swear if you-"

They're in a long forgotten hallway carved out in the back of the mountain. It's dark save the torch held in Fili's hand as he had been the one leading the way. The only sound around them is Kili's voice until wood clatters against stone as Fili drops the crutch from his other hand in favour of grasping one of Kili's within his own. The fingers in his are cold.

"Kili."

His voice is hardly a whisper against Kili's angry sounding mutterings. Fili knows his brother though, and knows what he tries to cover in anger is actually fear.

Kili's teeth clink together at the sound of his name and that dark eye flicks up and focuses on Fili's own. It's red rimmed and dull, and something in Fili's chest aches at the sight of it.

Despite that, Fili can't help but smile as he tries to lighten the mood. They'd long since moved into the chambers meant for the king's heir, away from the healing room they both could have died in. They are on the road to recovery, and besides a few permanent injuries that will heal with time, they will be fine. "It was hardly your death bed." He chuckles, groaning through the laugh as it hurts something inside. "Ow. I wouldn't hurt so much if I hadn't gone walking yesterday."

"Serves you right for pushing yourself." Kili scoffs loudly, his hand coming up to grasp one of the braids by Fili's mouth. A slight tug brings Fili closer until their foreheads press together, the action as familiar as breathing. Kili winces from his own injuries, head still sensitive even though they're both careful, but Fili sees how Kili relaxes against him with the action.

"I wouldn't have found what I want to show you if I hadn't wandered yesterday." He'd needed out of their suffocating room and a moment to himself. The walls had begun to close in on him, and Kili's constantly dire mood was beginning to chafe him. He hadn't meant to go so far, but knowing what lies ahead of them, he's glad for it.

"And you shouldn't have wandered about on your own." He mumbles, mouth so close to Fili's that their lips brush from the words. Kili's are dry and cracked, but Fili knows his are the same.

Where is his optimistic little brother, who could find a silver lining in complete darkness? He fades a little more each day, and Fili is afraid that he'll eventually just fade away to nothing.

"You could have fallen or gotten lost. We don't know this mountain we almost died for." Kili tries to pull away, to pin Fili with that unhappy scowl again.

But Fili is quicker and his hand at the back of Kili's neck keeps him in place. He's careful not to hurt, fingers caressing tense muscles at the back of his brother's skull. "But we lived." He knows Kili needs this reminder, because that's the issue isn't it? They almost died and the reality of it has hit Kili hard. "We both survived." He says the words slowly and with meaning. Sometimes he's not sure Kili realizes this.

They'd fought and won Erebor, but it was not without its casualties, though everyone from the original company miraculously lived.

Fili has been granted a kind of reprieve since he can't remember much of the battle. Through the blurry and jumbled flashes of memory he recalls a spear meant for Kili piercing himself in the chest, his armour useless against it. He remembers a voice that had to have been Kili screaming his name in a hysterical tone, but it sounded nothing like his brother. After that he remembers nothing.

He had woken within a healing room within the mountain, an injured Kili at his side just as always. The battle had been over for weeks and he had been told that his brother had not left his side since. He'd been told that Kili had slaughtered the orc who had thrown the spear and had ironically taken an arrow to the head as a result. He lost the use of his eye and had been plagued by terrible headaches, but Oin was confident they would eventually stop.

Oin still refuses to tell Fili just how close they came to losing the younger dwarf, but that tells Fili all he needs to know.

He tries not to think about Kili dying while Fili was unconscious.

"Now we heal." It comes out a little breathless as he pushes the thought away.

That eye closes for a moment as the brunet releases a shaky breath, attempting to match his breathing with Fili's. It's a calming technique they've had for as long as Fili remembers, and he purposely keeps his exhales and inhales as regular as he can. It only lasts a moment before Kili's eye opens again, narrowed in a glare. "We would heal better back in bed." 

Fili chuckles again despite the pain, pulling away albeit reluctantly. "Your body may be healing within that bed, but your spirit has all but died, brother." He sighs then, looking at Kili with sad eyes. "Some days I feel I may yet lose you." He explains as his hand slips to cup a scruffy cheek, thumb trailing along just underneath the bandage covering Kili's left eye. He no longer needs it but wears it because it covers up the scars. "I would do anything to see a smile here once more. You suffer in silence when you don't need to. I have always been here to lend an ear to your sorrows, and yet you refuse to share them with me now."

Blue eyes are focused on Kili's lips as he speaks, so he doesn't miss their trembling in the firelight. A tear trails down a cheek and gets caught up in Kili's scruff. Fili gently wipes it away before shifting his gaze up. Kili looks conflicted.

"I don't know how." He admits slowly, struggling to keep his voice even.

"Try." Fili knows that their destination would be a better place for this conversation, but he knows that would just give Kili a chance to collect himself and close himself off once more.

The brunet turns away so that the side of his bandaged face is what Fili can see. They are both silent for a long time, Fili waiting and Kili gathering his thoughts.

"I see you fall." Kili finally whispers into the darkness, every word soaked and dripping with the anguish he's managed to bottle up inside. "Every time I close my eyes, I see you fall." And when he turns back to face Fili, his gaze is glassy and Fili knows he's seeing it happening right now.

"I see you jump in front of me; I see the spear rip through you. I hear it - the clunk of metal as it cracks through your armour. Y-you gasped." Kili's voice quivers and his voice is tight, "That was the only sound you made and as quiet as it was, it was the only thing I could hear."

"...and then you fall." His voice drops to a whisper, the words too painful to say but he doesn't end his story there. "I became angry that you'd done something so stupid. If we were going to die, then we were supposed to die together." This is said with conviction, a little of that anger flaring up once more and lending strength to Kili's voice, "I went after the orc, and the foul mouthed scum was still laughing as I separated his head from his body." His mouth curls down into a dark frown, and Fili thinks there might be more to that part of the tale. "I started my way back to you, completely prepared to lay down next to you and join you in death. I never made it."

Unable to physically shake Kili to wake him from his memories for fear of hurting him, Fili erases the space between them and kisses him instead. He tastes the salt of Kili's tears, and the bitterness of his grief is heavy on Fili's tongue, but he tries to share it so that the burden might not weigh on Kili so heavily. Tries to convey to Kili that he isn't alone.

Kili's gasping by the time they separate, but his hands are steadier and his eye is simply moist. Fili holds up his weight as the younger sags against him for a moment before remembering that Fili is injured. Kili straightens and looks at Fili, expression blank as he tries to assess how he feels. The frown reappears but it's no longer the deep scowl from before. "And then you still left me alone to wait by your side until you finally awoke."

"Which I apologize for." Fili interrupts before Kili can sink back into his dark mood. He squeezes Kili's hand again, the fingers warmer now, "And I will make it up to you every day for the rest of our lives." Maybe it sounds a little over dramatic, but there is nothing Fili won't do for Kili.

Kili is quiet for a few moments, and when he moves away from Fili, the blond having no choice but to release his hand. He doesn't go far. "I still say we should get back to bed." Kili mutters before bending down to pick up the crutch Fili dropped earlier. His balance is still a little off with his changed depth perception and he almost stumbles but manages to catch himself.

"But then you'd miss out on what I have to show you." Fili insists though he knows it's not going anywhere. It survived Smaug and who knows how many years; it could survive a few more days or even weeks. It's Fili who can't wait that long.

The crutch is handed back and the torch passed between them while Fili shifts the wood to a more comfortable position. When he holds his hand out for the torch, Kili refuses. "Just focus on walking without reopening your side or I WILL carry you back to our chambers."

Since it's not another plea to return right away, Fili accepts it and continues on a head.

But not before a hand slips into his own, fingers warmer now as they squeeze tightly. Fili smiles to himself and says nothing but gives a gentle squeeze in return. They limp along through the dimly lit mountain side by side.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili’s in pain and can barely move by the time they get there. But it’s so worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Written for FiKi Week (Part 2!) 2017. Inspired by photography.
> 
> The image is large, [so I'm linking in here instead](http://68.media.tumblr.com/6f85b70f1bc7660e302e8499457ecbbe/tumblr_inline_otrytl5h3I1toapn5_540.jpg) of posting it in the story. I tried to locate the original posting, but was unable to. If someone else finds it, please let me know!

When they finally enter the area that Fili has been leading them to, all the blond wants to do is collapse. His side is throbbing and the pain has traveled down into his leg and up into his shoulder. The muscles in his back are tense and he’s broken out into a sweat.

It’s all worth it though. To see the wide eyed surprise on Kili’s face as his brother looks around them in awe; the way his jaw actually drops a little as a soft exclamation of ‘ _oh’_ slips from his lips in a gentle sigh.

To see the shadows that have been constantly present dissolve for even a moment…yes, definitely worth the pain.

It’s not a particularly large space, but there is a staircase carved from the mountain that spirals up in a square like fashion to a platform above them. At the top, large windows have been cut out of the mountainside that lead to the outside - at least that’s what Fili assumes. He hasn’t climbed the steps to see the view for himself, but he can see the evening sky from where they stand.

That’s only part of the reason why he wanted Kili to see it.

His brother had always found solace within the wilderness around their former home, and he hopes this room will bring that solace back until they are strong enough to venture outside of the mountain.

This little place has been open to the outside elements for so long that the entire place is covered in thick vegetation. The floors, the walls, and even the stairs are blanketed in lush green. Flowers have somehow managed to sprout in a few areas, adding a little bit of colour to the place with their bright reds and soft blues and playful yellows. And the room doesn’t smell like the mountain, but instead smells fresh and crisp and _alive_.

Fili doesn’t know what purpose the room served before Erebor fell, but he’s confident that they’re the first to step inside it since that day. It’s something that’s just theirs, for now at least.

“Fee…” Kili finally says something as he shifts the torch carefully, turning to look at Fili, his expression still open and wide-eyed, and maybe there are tears beginning to gather in his eye, but Fili knows they’re presence isn’t a sign of sadness this time.

And then the thing Fili has been longing for the most happens, and Kili gifts him with a smile so big and bright and beautiful that it takes his breath away and makes him forget about any pain. It’s been so long since he’s seen that grin that his own vision begins to blur and it’s suddenly hard to swallow.

At that moment there isn’t a greater treasure in the entire mountain and Fili alone gets to experience its wonder.

“This is…” Kili looks around the room, trying to find a word that could sum up everything he’s feeling, but he lets his words trail away and drop off because everything seems insufficient.

Kili being speechless speaks volumes in itself, and Fili’s happy with that alone.

His brother moves then, extinguishing the torch so as not to burn or singe any of the plants. It’s set down on the stone floor in the hall they’d come from, and not a moment later Fili finds himself enveloped in warm arms that are trembling just a little.

He smiles and accepts Kili’s appreciation, wrapping his own arms around the younger dwarf and holding him as tightly as their injuries allow. Kili’s face is buried in Fili’s shoulder and the blond is careful of the bandages around his head, but he can’t help but sneak a hand up to card his fingers through the dark strands of hair. They’re oily and in need of a good wash, but neither dwarf have been in any position to do so properly, and neither care.

Kili pulls away slowly, and Fili’s startled to see a frown on his face when moments before there had been that brilliant smile. That dark eye searches his face for only a moment before it rolls skyward. “For the love of – sit down you idiot.” He insists and helps Fili to sit down near the entrance.

The trembling he’d felt before hadn’t been from Kili, but instead it had been his own body straining to remain standing.

Once settled on the ground, Fili allows himself to relax. The stone here is also covered in thick moss and it makes a nice cushion for his aching body.

His peace only lasts for a moment before his brother is kneeling in front of him and digging through his tunic once more in search of the bandages underneath. “You idiot.” Kili repeats, but this time Fili isn’t sure if it’s to him or if Kili’s berating himself for not noticing Fili’s state sooner.

“I’m fine.” The blond feels a little exasperated either way but does nothing to stop Kili from checking his injuries. He honestly isn’t sure he has the energy to, and if it makes Kili feel better than he’s welcome to do just about anything. “Just tired.”

A loud scoff is Kili’s reply, and a deep scowl is fixed on his face though he’s too busy prodding along Fili’s ribs to look up. “I know when you are tired and when you are in pain. You must think me stupid not to know the difference.”

“Not stupid.” Fili shakes his head, unable to stop smiling. Between the two of them, he’s been the worrier since they were small; an automatic response after years of _look after your brother_. Now it feels odd to have the tables turned, and when Fili remembers why, his smile almost disappears.

He draws the energy to lift his arm, cupping Kili’s cheek to gain the brunet’s attention. The rough dark stubble against his palm is a comforting sensation, and his smile turns soft when that worried eye focuses on his face instead of his injuries. “I am both tired and in pain.” He admits because there’s no use in lying and because Kili will never let the subject go. “But seeing you smile again makes it worth it.”

Kili stares at him, eyebrow arching so high it’s practically hidden beneath his messy bangs. Otherwise his expression remains unreadable as his eye darts across Fili’s face, seemingly looking for something.

Whether he finds it or not, Fili doesn’t know. But what Fili does know is the sudden firm touch of those lips against his own as Kili leans forward and kisses him. It’s a heartfelt _thank you and I love you_ and a fond _you’re an idiot shut up_ all rolled into one, and Fili can taste the emotions Kili’s trying to convey as if they’re something tangible. Fingers slip into his hair, weaving into the loose locks and gripping just as they would have if he was wearing braids. Fili’s own fingers twitch to do the same, but he won’t chance accidentally tugging the dark strands around Kili’s wounds and hurting him. Instead he rests his hand against the back of Kili’s neck to make sure he stays as close as possible.

Kili eventually manoeuvres them into a position that’s more comfortable for Fili’s straining side, muttering under his breath about stubborn Durins’ and their lack of brains all the while.

Fili only smiles (because laughing would hurt) and lets his brother manipulate him into any position he wants. He neglects to remind the brunet of the fact that he is also a dwarf of the Durin Line mostly since he knows it would just make Kili complain more.

They end up stretched out on the soft grass and moss coating the stone floor like a thick carpet, staring up at the different levels of the staircase above them. One day they’ll climb to the top and look out at the land around the mountain, but until then the view from where they are is enough.

Kili shifts against Fili’s uninjured side, and the blond moves automatically to meet him, turning his head just as Kili’s forehead meets his. They stay close without needing to speak, their mingled breaths enough conversation in the peace of the room until a tender kiss is bestowed upon Fili’s mouth, and he welcomes another that follows with one of his own.

“So you just happened to stumble upon this room.” Kili breaks the silence. “I love it here.”

“Worth being pulled from your death bed to traipse all over Erebor for?”

“Don’t sound so smug. We still have to go back.”

Fili closes his eyes and takes a moment to just breathe. “Shh, don’t ruin the moment.” He grins to himself before it softens, as does his voice. “The moment I saw it I knew I had to show you. I had hope that it would bring some of your light back.” He admits quietly so as not to interrupt the pleasant atmosphere of the room.

Kili says nothing to that, though he makes a thoughtful hum in the back of his throat and his nose gently drags against Fili’s cheek as the brunet nuzzles closer.

“I thought we could make this place ours.” The blond continues in a murmur and manages a tired smile, though can’t draw upon the energy to open his eyes. “I don’t think Thorin will need it for anything, and after all we went through, I can’t see him denying a simple request.”

“Our own little sanctuary within the mountain where we can hide when it all becomes too much.” Kili doesn’t mention that now is one of those times; that he’d been crumbling back in their room, buried deep inside this mountain they’d almost lost each other for.

He doesn’t have to mention it because Fili already knows.

Blue eyes finally open and they automatically roam over Kili’s face, memorising the first truly peaceful expression he’s seen his brother wear in a long time. “Just ours.” Fili promises even as his eyes droop a little. He’s utterly exhausted and they still have to make their way back through the mountain eventually.

“Hm.” Kili yawns deeply before letting it whoosh out of his lungs. He curls a little closer against Fili’s side and doesn’t seem too inclined to move for a while, and Fili doesn’t really want him to go anywhere anyway. “Just ours.” He repeats sleepily as if cementing it as fact.

Fili waits for a few moments, listening to Kili’s breathing deepen until he knows his brother is truly asleep. He opens his eyes and watches Kili sleep for a few moments before carefully pressing a kiss to the brunet’s forehead.

He knows the future won’t be perfect and that there are still tough times ahead. The aftermath of the battle will be felt for a long time, and everyone will be affected. He’s aware that he has not fixed his brother, and Kili will probably have days where that darkness clings to him.

But they’re here. They’re alive. They _survived._

“Let the healing begin.”


End file.
